the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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