So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We need to feng shui this bitch.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
