is your mom at the bar?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's never too late to be topless.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Enjoy the penises
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
