Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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