I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
