i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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