And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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