All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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