Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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