We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
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I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
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Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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