About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
