And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
