I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
