Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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