i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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