Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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