I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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