Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Come share oat with me in your robe
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
