I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
