where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
