just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
