can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
