Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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