Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
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My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
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Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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