I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
