How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
