i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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