I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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