so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
