Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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