Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
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No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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