just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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