I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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