My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
