Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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