Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
