Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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