you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
