so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
