you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
