Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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