Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
