i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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