ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
