TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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