4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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