nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
