1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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