if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
