Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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