Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
