She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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