Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
