he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
