this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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