smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
