There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
