i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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