I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
