My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
