Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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