i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
