Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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