I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
