no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
